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(Source: everythingisterrible)

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Drug dealers: you can call your product “obtainium.” Like, as powerful as unobtainium, but you can totally obtain it?  

Just a marketing idea for any drug dealers who might be listening.  It’s free.  I don’t want any drugs.

(Source: fuctaculon, via schmoedipus)

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Last night I had the two worst nightmares I’ve ever had in my entire life.

I struggled awake from the first one and thought, “That must be what it’s like to go insane,” and it dispelled any possible lingering romantic notions I might have had about madness.  I’d never felt so distressed and helpless in a  situation that somehow made perfect sense to me. When someone pulled into the driveway next door, I was still so frightened from the dream that I honestly thought they were coming for me.  It was weird because why were they pulling into that driveway at 3:30am on a Tuesday night? But still.  

Then I went back to sleep and the second one was just fucking awful.  I was someone’s slave and I had AIDS, and I looked so awful that someone wanted to hire me to be a TV zombie.  I couldn’t do it, though, because I was being held captive in a basement that was flooded with blood where the stairs that spiraled all around the room were made of wax, nails, and shards of wood that termites had left behind.

I think I slept for 3 hours total.  It was the worst night’s sleep I’ve ever had.


I’ve been waiting to post this for so long.

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